Wellbeing and Secular Buddhism
A major factor in my wellbeing has been to embrace the concepts and practices of mindfulness along with learning about the origins of these, that is the Dharma or the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama aka the Buddha.
Personally, as a secular Buddhist, I'm not one for legends or fables lacking substance, preferring to drill down to what really happened. or as close to it as it is possible to know. Anyway, for those not in the know, the story goes that this young chap, born in Lumbini, Western Nepal around 600 BCE to a very privileged family and clan, had somehow always been shielded from the harsh realities of life – aging, sickness and death. However, once aware of human suffering, he renounced his many comforts and his beliefs about life thus far and made it his mission to discover the relief of suffering.
Now, ascetism, basically the practice of 'going without' (and then some!), was de rigour and well respected at the time and it seems that Siddhartha had a seriously good old go at this, to put it mildly, as the self-deprivation he experienced lasted about 6 years and almost killed him. In short, he 'woke up', becoming the Buddha, and realised that neither having it all nor the opposite extreme had brought happiness and relief from suffering for him. Hence he discovered the middle way of seeking neither pleasure/wanton indulgence, nor pain/extreme restraint.
So the Buddha promoted a practical path for life, a path of one flavour, i.e freedom from suffering. Among other teachings, this entails having the attitudes and actions of non-attachment; non-violence and befriending; and clear seeing, or an understanding of the interdependent and impermanent nature of reality (often talked of in terms of their opposites – the dropping of ‘the three poisons’ - greed, hatred and delusion).
Buddhism teaches that grasping at or clinging to anything makes us and keeps us trapped. Letting go of attaching to or craving for material stuff, or yearning for happy times to last, or for any discomfort or dissatisfaction to be other than it actually is, leads to a radical acceptance. This doesn't mean a passive resignation of 'whatever, sh*t happens!’ but an active embracing of the entirety of what life has to offer, ‘warts and all'. Secular Dharma is helping me learn to be with challenge and difficulties. For someone who has known not just depression but also debilitating anxiety, this can include sometimes gut-wrenching fear. It has also helped me to bear potentially heart-breaking grief more times than I care to count. It does this while teaching me to embrace and appreciate the many joys that life has to offer, if, of course, I remember to take the time to notice them. Such joys may be different for all of us. For me it can be anything from sharing a belly laugh with a loved one, or just seeing the twinkle in their eye to simply appreciating a thirst-quenching drop of cool, clear water.
Another key point is the belief in the interconnection of everything and everyone and that all is changeable and in process or flux. I feel there is a calming and natural flow here. I went to a Catholic convent school as a weekly boarder from aged 10 to 16 and this Buddhist teaching feels quite different from my personal experience of Catholicism's individual and final judgement upon death and the indoctrination from childhood of our need for mercy and forgiveness. That said, along with some difficulties, I did experience some kindness and compassion while at school but Christianity was not my personal route to peace whether contemplating death or otherwise.
As someone who went through a time being super fearful of death, life changing for me was the understanding that all things are impermanent and will pass. This includes things like happy times I would love to cling to and also those things to which I may be strongly averse, including thoughts about mine and my loved ones mortality, and also even those moments where the acute pain of loss is physically felt.
As a former member of the Awakened Heart Sangha, I used to attend a local branch and meditation group of theirs where we would sing a daily puja or prayer which began:
"Death comes without warning, it may come today, taking me from all that is familiar, and all those I love."
Now, I don't know about you, but that certainly grabbed my attention, every time. I keep those words close to my heart because I believe if we live with this awareness, it has the potential to make every moment of life even more precious and worth fully engaging in.
The Buddha realised that we have the tendency to be confused and this includes thoughts about being separate from each other and everything. We can fall into the habit of labelling ourselves and others or thoughts, feelings, things and events as good or bad. I find it soothing to consider that no entity exists in isolation – we’re kind of all in this together. I have learned that perceptions and interpretations are just that, and as sentient beings we create our own view of reality. This leads to delusion – the belief in something false and distorted. Like the pig who views the famer as beneficent, but we all know only too well how that story usually ends. A mind that is fixed and rigid is one that suffers. Flexible thinking can bring relief and I am grateful to have learned, through mindfulness, mindful meditation and contemplation, how to 'hold things lightly' – most of the time...
I think the Shin Buddhists of the Reno Buddhist Center sum up these ideas nicely.
"Learning to experience reality as it is, without the distortions of our self-centred desires and fears, we free ourselves from delusion. Deeply hearing and acting in harmony with the interdependent and impermanent nature of this world – realise that all beings are inseparably related and that lasting happiness does not come from anything external..."
Renobuddhistcentre.org
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